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The twenties are a transitional period for adult children. This is the time when many leave behind a structured and safe college environment (along with winter and spring breaks) to enter the world of alarm clocks, bosses, and bills. For many twentysomethings, it can often be difficult to see a clear path ahead with all of the choices and obligations pushing them in many different directions. One twentysomething said to us, "For sixteen years my job has been to be a student. I've worked hard and understood what it took to succeed at this job. I studied and partied, and all in all, I had a good time. Now that I've graduated, in some sense I'm losing my old job, the only job I've ever had. I keep asking myself, What is it that I want? How do I decide what I want? I worry that when I figure out what I want out of life, I won't know how to get it." The associate dean of students at the University of Chicago believes this experience is common. He said, "At that stage in their lives, students can hardly remember a time when they were not in school, so they usually feel some trepidation about this extraordinary change. The abyss of freedom yawns" (Gutmann 2002).

The Society for Adolescent Medicine now covers people from 10 to 26 years of age. The MacArthur Foundation is currently studying emerging adults and considers age 34 to be the end of that transition (Stepp 2002(A). This extended period of maturation leaves both parents and children perplexed. At a time of such confusion and uncertainty, the total absence of a road map increases stress for both twentysomethings and their parents. Parents are unsure about the best way to treat adult children, and kids are unsure about how to grow up. In previous generations, families more or less followed a structure. Expectations were more straightforward, and families relied on accepted rules. In today's society, both parents and children are faced with dualities of experience that create mixed messages and contradictions. This chapter explores some of these dualities and discusses how parents and children are coping and what parents can do to help in this complex process.

The transition from childhood to adulthood can be as shocking as a lightning bolt. Just as one can't prepare to be struck by lightning, many twentysomethings feel unprepared and experience this transition as startling. Many researchers now say that the journey from childhood to adulthood not only takes longer but is less defined, more complicated, and less straightforward as well. Unlike their parents, children no longer go directly from their childhood home to one they share with their spouses. They travel a more varied course.

Twentysomethings move to different cities, change jobs frequently, and experience a variety of living situations with assorted friends and significant others. One father describes his frustration knowing that his son was sleeping on the floor of a friend's apartment and was supporting his nomadic lifestyle by scalping tickets to rock concerts. One mother cannot believe how different her daughter's work experience is from her own. This mother has held the same job for more than 20 years, and her daughter has had six jobs within 2 years. The one thing that helps this mother understand her daughter's career indecision is the knowledge that her daughter worries that making a mistake might lock her into the wrong career. All this mother wants for her daughter is "one career path, right or wrong."

Mary, age 26, also observes, "Many kids my age are jumping, jumping, jumping from one job to the next. My parents have stayed in the same job for as long as I have known them. Their success is like magic, but it's hard to imagine that for myself." Beth, another twentysomething, tells us: "Until my sophomore or junior year in college, I wanted to be an anthropologist. After graduation, I wanted to be a psychologist, and found work at a sexual assault hot line. Then I changed my mind again. I decided I wanted to help victims, and realized that I should become a prosecutor. So, at the age of twenty-five, I applied to law school."

As part of an "instant-gratification" culture, twentysomethings have unrealistic expectations of both the length of time and the effort required to achieve their goals. While parents understand that meaningful goals can take years to achieve, children are not used to delayed rewards. Adult children are exposed to constant financial temptations that have grave consequences. An advertisement in a September 2002 issue of Newsweek for a wireless pocket PC phone reads: "Now you can call and access the Internet wherever you go. Yeah, instant gratification is cool, isn't it?" Psychologist Larry Gard says, "Twentysomethings are faced with messages that they should be able to buy what they want, without having the money first. It can be too much for a young person, especially if he feels needy by virtue of being alone and confused and on his feet for the first time" (Gard 2002). With such unrealistic expectations of entitlement, twentysomethings feel disillusioned. Matt tells us, "When I graduated magna cum laude, I thought doors would open, a red carpet would be rolled out, and employers would be knocking down my door. But, in this economy, I did the door knocking, and after six months, I was lucky to find an entry-level job."

The fact that twentysomethings may be working for years longer than their parents or grandparents makes them much more careful about choosing a meaningful career. Yet few professions seem to be stable because of the rapid pace of social change and economic uncertainty. They also have been exposed to ever-increasing and fast-changing information. Although twentysomethings have access to so much knowledge, they have less real-life experience to help them absorb and make sense of this information. Therefore, it is hard for them to feel confident when making choices.

Sara always identified herself as a student, and she was confused about how to transition into adult life. She doubted whether she could get up at dawn every day to go to work, after having scheduled all of her college classes to begin no earlier than 11 a.m. She couldn't figure out how to fit socializing into a 40-hour workweek. Sara would have been better off if she had known that many others felt exactly as she did. Knowing that other twentysomethings had the same experience would have made her less panicked about her own confusion. Support from friends provides comfort and validation during this unsettling time.

Sara didn't go to her parents for advice because they always said, "We will support you during college, and then you're on your own." However, Sara had been an art history major and was very disappointed with the lack of job opportunities and her inability to be independent. She wasn't ready to face the real world. Her self-doubt and insecurity are common during this transitional period. After feeling such a strong sense of community in college, twentysomethings lose their sense of belonging and knowing what comes next. They no longer have academic semesters around which to plan their lives.

Alison, a 24-year-old teacher, said, "A big part of the attraction to education was not that I had a passion to teach, but rather my not wanting to lose Thanksgiving, Christmas, and summer vacations." Twentysomethings often say it is difficult to find a career that satisfies their need for flexibility and gratification in their work. Alison is holding on to as much of her younger life as she can. Becoming an adult requires compromise and setting priorities; learning you can't have it all is a hard lesson. As a result, many twentysomethings are immobilized by the number of choices available to them. In a January 2002 issue of Time magazine, one twentysomething observes that "responsibility is always the price of freedom. But we are now responsible for so many decisions, requiring so much homework that many of us feel helpless and paralyzed" (Kadlec 2002, p. 24).

To respond to the varied choices available today, parents have to provide their children with opportunities to develop decision-making skills that will help them thrive in a more complex society. Adult children need our help with this transition, and yet this reality may be in conflict with our expectations as parents.